Summer, why must you leave me so fast?

backtoschool

It’s been awhile since I’ve blogged.  We did not enroll the kiddos in any activities, though kept them very busy with sleep overs, friend’s birthday parties (including their own), and lots of quality family time.

But let’s be real.  We are not the Brady Bunch. There are a million triggers every day that set off BOTH kids in one way or another.

Everyone knows that children with autism need routine, thrive on it, in fact.  And yes, routine is vital for all children, however, a change in routine for a child on the spectrum must be treated with kid gloves.

On a more personal level, Bailey had a rough summer, to say the least.  I was hardly able to leave her side because she had attached herself to me 24/7.  I’m not sure why, but most likely she was out of sorts from being out of school.  It was truly nice to have her wanting to be with me all the time, but also didn’t allow any wiggle room for me to decompress from her meltdowns, much less tackle every day household activities. As you learn and grow with your child, you start to foresee a potential meltdown, and that allows you opportunities to nip it in advance. I truly was not on my game this summer, though.

Bailey is 8 years old now….stronger…..she grows angry fairly quick now, as do those punches when she is past the point of no return. She became very ugly towards her dad and brother. I wish I knew why.

This summer was a learning experience. I will never have my children spend so much time together during summer break.  They were constantly at each other’s throats, both being at fault, and both just plain irritated with one another. NEVER again, I repeat.

I joined an autism support group on Facebook.  I read these stories of heartbreak, depression, stress, and marriage troubles.  There are no judgements, just VENTING with other parents that can relate.  It’s amazing, as are these women.  I also read about miracles, progress, and accomplishments.  It hurts my heart deeply that our children have disabilities at all, and knowing deep down that it affects the entire family in the worst way hurts even more.  Other regular functioning families cannot relate, but please be mindful that everything is different when there is a special needs person involved.

I’ve had to backpedal on other ventures in order to focus more on the kids. I cannot begin to tell you how hard that was for me, because as a mother, your passions are mostly on the back burner, and over time, you do lose sight of who you were before children.  In this case, it was even more vitally important for me to do this.  Bailey was attached to me for a reason.  She needed more, as did Reagan.

I’m approaching Reagan from a different angle, in an attempt to not offset his anxiety.  He does not respond well to raised voices.  Like I’ve said before, he has a tender nature, and I forget this when I’m in my “crazy mommy” mode.  It would be much easier if I could create a protective bubble to form around my children, and then I could relax and be assured they would never be emotionally scarred, anxiety ridden, or even AUTISTIC!!  I wish I could create protective bubbles for all parents.

Let me end with some positives (I made a “funny”).  I always have to remind myself to focus on the positive, even though life has taken me down a rough path from day one. I have touched base with Reagan on a deeper level this summer.  We had many wonderful conversations and serious laughing fits. He is such a comedian when he isn’t trying at all, and I don’t think he realizes that he doesn’t HAVE to try so hard.  It is my mission to get him to let go of all the little things that don’t matter.  This is most challenging, though, because he has learned this from me. My worst characteristic is wearing my feelings on my sleeve.  I am working on that.

Bailey not only talks, but we have full fledged deep interactions.  She wants to share everything with me and truly enjoys being with me.  I know this will change when she gets older, but why does it have to?  Why can’t our children STAY in that mode, where we are their “everything”, their “hero”?  Sure, they need to explore new experiences, but why stray so far away from their roots?  I know it will break my heart, and I will be like all the other mothers that try to hold on too tight.  Isn’t that our instinctual job?

#backtoschool #backtoroutine #imisssummer