Autism will never go away. It is a part of Bailey’s make up, and I love every part of her, even the parts that weigh heavy on my heart.
This morning, as she was hitting, fighting, and head butting me to NOT get on her bus, I’m looking up at Dorothy and Mr. Pat, and realizing that some DO understand my battles. So who cares of the neighbors hear her blood curling screams, and see her thrashing in my arms? What do they know about the strain on our family, not the mention the climax of her meltdowns where she reaches the point of no return. They aren’t helping us, they are only there to judge.
I go back into the house, and I’m so tightly wound that Bailey could hurt Dorothy, Mr. Pat, or worse, one of those poor children. And do those poor children have to face their school day with the repercussions of Bailey’s screams? They each have their own challenges. It breaks my heart.
After my texting and emailing, I hear that Bailey is just fine, and that she walked into her classroom with a SMILE on her face, and here I am, with knots in my stomach, and the overwhelming need to cry. How does she do that, just let it all go? I almost admire that she can do that, and wish I had the same magic in me. There is no pill in the world that will help me let it go.
Be kind, and mindful of other parents that you see struggling with these battles. You never know what is happening behind closed doors, what disorders or illnesses are hindering that person, and you never know what is behind a parent’s smile when they have a child with autism.