LESSON LEARNED

learning

1) Do not settle. Settling is a discredit to yourself, and to the other person. There may be the perfect match for THEM out there.

*I have done this many times over the years. In the moment, especially when you are young, you feel passionately for someone, but come to find out, they were never there for you when you really needed them. You never listened to your gut, and your questioned whether you were truly happy or not.

2) Do not assume everyone is your friend, nor do they want to hear your personal sagas. Genuine, honest, and trustworthy friendships are a rare find. Not all of your “friends” have your back, nor are they reliable confidants.

*There is a huge difference between a friend and an acquaintance. I learned this brutal reality after Bailey was diagnosed with autism. It was my lowest point, rock bottom. When I came up for air, and took a look around, those who I thought were my friends were gone. Lesson learned.

3) Just say NO. You will run out of steam really fast, if you are at everyone’s beckon command.

*This is still an issue with me, but I am working on it. I want to help everyone, and if I don’t, I feel very guilty. I have to stop and ask myself….,would they do the same for me?

4) Lower your expectations of those around you. Not everyone has the capacity to care as much as you do, nor will they exert the same effort. Seriously, THEY WILL NOT EXERT THE SAME EFFORT!

* I learned this is dog rescue. There are many dog lovers out there, but not many of those who consider their dogs/cats as part of their family. I am GLAD that I cannot understand this, because I don’t want to be one of those people. They are the ones that have the world fooled, the ones who drive past animals in need, those who buy  their animals from breeders while others die in the shelters, and they are the ones who dump their animals on the side of the road. It is my  job to educate and be a resource for the rescue community.

And two of my favorites……

9) Only surround yourself with those who will bring you UP, not down. Those who judge you, are not worth your frustrations.

Family and friends…..yes, sad, but true. If you are around a person that makes you feel small, belittled, or worse, like you aren’t doing your job as a parent, in THEIR opinion, off with their heads. No one knows the struggles you live every single day. Placing judgement on you is unfair, cruel, and NON-Christian (if you  are the praying type).

10) Take baby steps. Everything comes at once…..reflect, breathe. Take baby steps, make a mental list, and tackle one problem at  a time. Break it down into pieces so it isn’t so consuming.

I am still working on this one as well. I am always telling everyone how overwhelmed I am. I know they are tired of hearing this, because in their minds, I am not making time for THEM. It is about them, not about me. If they lived one day in my shoes, they would give me space and not put additional stress on me. I wish I knew a way to word how my life is, without hurting feelings or coming across like I don’t care. I would love to spend more time with my friends. I would love to spread out, relax and chat on the phone. My life doesn’t allow this anymore. It is what it is, and I am doing the best that I can.

The Golden Years. Or not.

Aging is terrifying when you are alone. Your joints are sore, you become slower in all of  your daily activities, you forget the little things, and eventually, the bigger things. You turn to your family for support, and if you are blessed, then your family helps you along your journey. Family is everything, and if the elderly don’t have anyone to reach out to, tend to  become lost, confused, depressed, and lonely. All of these feelings of isolation, coupled with degenerative health issues and even untreated injuries, not to mention dementia, is extremely heartbreaking for them, not to mention bearing a heavy weight on the family as a whole. Your loved one will eventually come and live with you, or they will reside in an assisted living facility where they are cared for 24/7. They get health care, physical therapy, and emotional fulfillment, etc. This is in a perfect world, of course.

So let’s talk about dogs. Is a dog just a dog?  Did I lose you when I mentioned “dogs”?  Do you feel like elderly dogs and cats are not as important as elderly humans?  If  you feel this way, then I have no words. Well, I DO, but you don’t want to hear them.

I question a person’s heart and soul when they are not compassionate for animals.  I truly do.  Many others in the rescue community feel this way, and that is why I have chosen to surround myself with those who fight night and day to save these lives. If you do not consider your “pet” part of your family, do not get one.

A person who can walk away from their dog after making the decision to leave them in a KILL shelter does not have a heart. When a person walks away from their sick, elderly dog in a KILL shelter is a MONSTER.

Have they gotten old and need more medical care?  Are they are urinating on your floors and losing muscle mass in their backs legs? Are they wandering around your house, bumping into the walls and standing still in a state of confusion?  Losing their sight and hearing?

You would not abandon your grandparent in a cage, and leave them there, knowing full and well that they can be killed.  Knowing they can’t see or hear well, in a lot of pain, and knowing they are terrified because they can sense death all the way to their core. Shivering cold, and flinching from the others screaming in confusion and fear. Would you desert your grandparent there and never look back?

Our mindset needs to change, and change NOW. NEWSFLASH:  Our furry family members FEEL!!!  They feel love, loss, sadness, fear, and they feel isolation. They shake and cry, and they miss you terribly when you leave them. If you are okay with leaving them on death row, then you need to check yourself right now.

There are NO excuses. NO EXCUSES. There is ALWAYS another option. There are rescues, NO KILL shelters, family members and friends. KILL SHELTERS and CRAIGSLIST should not even enter your brain. There ARE programs set up for the military.  USE THEM. Dogs on Deployment is one, for example. There are many. If you are deployed, you have options. Dumping your dog in a kill shelter is extremely cruel. Dumping your dog in a kill shelter, no matter what the circumstance, is cruel.

If you feel like it is their time to go, and your VET is on the same page, then HOLD YOUR BABY while they pass on. Hold them and love on them, and let them leave this world knowing they mattered to someone. Do not be a cowardly, cruel human being, and leave them in a kill shelter, where they  are killed on a cold metal table by a stranger’s hands. They will leave this world in a sadly twisted and fearful state.

Don’t dump your dog in the kill shelter. Dumping your SENIOR dog in a kill shelter is much worse, since most adopters are looking for playful, healthy dogs. They don’t stand a chance there.

#noexcuses

 

Going Crazy?

memory

I really put myself out there on this blog. I reveal many personal shortcomings and insecurities. My main goal, for me personally, is to have an outlet, and putting it out there gives me a sense of relief.  Unfortunately, it does put a target on my back for harsh judgement, and this might be one of those posts. I am a mother, and that has certain expectations from family.

I watched my Grandpa suffer through Alzheimers.  He would exhibit PTSD episodes from the Vietnam War right in front of me.  He was a Prisoner of War.  He sustained unmentionable atrocities. He couldn’t barely discuss it without getting choked up, so he chose not to, but I knew it was like a cancer, eating away at him.

My Grandma doesn’t know who I am. She isn’t recognizable anymore as my Grandma. She has slipped away as well. It breaks my heart to see them both go down this path of nothingness.

These past couple of months, I have been experiencing short term memory loss. Some small things, like misplacing my coffee mug, keys, phone, etc. I misplace them within minutes, and I stand there and try to search my mind and back track where I have been. I finally give up and move on to something else. I make a new cup of coffee, I bug my husband about it. “Where the heck are my keys?  Where is my phone?”.  I can’t follow my personal trainer’s instructions, and he grows frustrated with me. All I can do it laugh it off, because that is what I do.

The other day, we were running errands, and I was frantically searching for my phone. I had this new huge purse, which is NOT a good idea for someone who loses stuff, lol.  I grew increasingly upset, and my heart was beating out of my chest.  Was this an anxiety attack?  I don’t know, but it sucked.

Finally, my husband told me, “you JUST gave your phone to Bailey.”  I took a minute and reflected. She was in the back seat, watching a YouTube video, clearing giggling and talking about it, and it was loud. I didn’t hear anything in the moment, but the thumping of my heart.

I am terrified that I have early onset dementia. It is no secret that I am overwhelmed and stressed out, and even scatterbrained. I have been for most of my life. But this feels different. I recognize similarities in me, and moments that my grandparents went through.  I know this is genetic.

Please pray for me, if you are a praying type.

#whereismycoffee