I have learned a lot about this thing called Grief. I am no stranger to Grief, but each time I encounter it, it has a different face. I have been trying to get THROUGH IT to get PAST IT. That is not how this works, though I wish it were.
You have to recreate, make adjustments for that unexplained absence. You have to learn to adapt to a new chapter that you never wanted or asked for. You have to reinvent yourself.
I am not a judgmental person, and I never have been. I strongly believe that every person that has lost a loved one will travel different paths of emotion, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve.
With all of this being said, for me, and only for me, every day is a grieving process. I start off feeling apprehensive as I wake up…my stomach is a bit sick, and I feel off kilter. Sometimes, if I have the luxury, I will lay there to gather my thoughts and strength for the day. But being a single parent now, I don’t have that luxury as often as I would like, so I pull myself up and attend to all of my routines for the welfare of my children. Because I have to. To say that I have a newfound respect for you single parents out there is putting it mildly. I am CONSUMED with respect for the single parent. They are responsible for the health, safety, and welfare of their children, not to mention being held financially responsible for their care and and mental health. And their sacrifices…..dear Lord, do they make sacrifices, so their children will not go without.
My hat is off 100 times to those WORKING parents. God bless you, and all of your efforts, your aching feet, and all of your sleepless nights, worrying about affording new clothes for school, providing meals and medical needs, and all at the same time, carrying yourself in a light-hearted manner, as if you have all the energy in the world. Because standing back, and watching your children laugh, play and revel in happiness is what it’s all about, isn’t it? Everything is for them.
It is a TON of weight on your shoulders, and had I not been in this position, I would never have known, nor been as appreciative to what I had. And that, my friends, is the only positive, in losing my husband. I appreciate him now, more than ever.
So when you feel discontented or unsatisfied, unhappy or unfulfilled, or if you think you could have it better somewhere else…..don’t. Take a moment to reflect on everything you DO have, and embrace every bit of it, because it may not always be there, staring you in the face, with a patient, watchful, loving eye. Take your happiness, hold on tight, and remember every single detail, because it might be a memory some day.
#bekind #loveoneanother #bethankful