My anxiety is at an all-time high. And I could go into all of that nonsense, and get myself all worked up all over again, but I don’t want to do that.
I want to celebrate this anticipation of our next chapter. I registered the kids at their middle school yesterday, and though my stomach was a bit sick, because I am very anxious about Bailey starting middle school, and the idea of her being bullied enrages me (I mean, I am working overtime to convince her that a My Little Pony backpack will not suffice)….but I FINALLY convinced Reagan to do ATHLETICS, instead of just P.E.
I am positive that this will be his healing process…athletics…as he tries different sports concepts, and figures out where his happy place is. This is what he needs!! This is his salvation!! Teamwork and loyalty and competition and pride!! I am SO excited to go on this journey with him. It will be a place where he can hash out his anger and confusion, gather his emotions and apply them appropriately. To focus on something other than his loss.
I about cried my eyes out when the coach gave him a pep talk…he about cried HIS eyes out. It breaks my heart into a million pieces, how much that he misses his dad, and how much he has lost these past couple of years. He will NEVER get that piece back that he lost that day. He misses that fatherly role model so badly, and yet he fights it at the same time. I want him to have this again with everything inside of me, but I will not push him. I want him to be embrace that when he is ready.
This is where it begins. Being coached, directed, guided…and being able to process his grief in a healthy manner. I am SO proud of this little man, and all of his broken little pieces. This is the first day that I believe he will be okay.