DARK RAMBLINGS THAT I CANNOT TAKE BACK

Let’s push through our days with aching backs and tired minds, while always racing to the next mundane routine, and telling yourself that life will get better one day. Let’s rise in the mornings, nursing that first cup of coffee, and try to not dread that day ahead, even though you know that you will still be alone come nightfall. Let’s hold our children and ensure they feel your love, because that is the one thing you are sure of, more than anything else in the world. Let’s not let our children know that we have a broken soul and that our hearts are crying every single night as we lay ourselves down for bed. Let’s continue to fight for that precious sleep where our bodies can rest wholeheartedly, instead of just a few winks of disturbed slumber.

Let’s find peace in our lives, as everything is frantic and racing, and we feel drained and weak. Let’s be kind to others, who have their own demons they are battling, and who are hiding their sobs of loss and loneliness as well, but fighting so very hard to smile at the world around them. With gracious hearts…with gratitude and appreciation. Because we are blessed to be ALIVE. So WHY must this be such a struggle?

Why are we required to appear okay? Why are we judged when we are not? Why can’t we be completely honest, in all of our ventures, that we are distraught, scared, and that we are so completely and utterly sad. Why can’t we admit that we are lonely? The weak are never welcomed and the strong are never as strong as they appear.

The world will not allow you to simply be happy. Most humans will chew you up and then spit you out. Most humans only thrive off of their own desires and greed. Most humans have blinders on and can only see what benefits them.

Empaths, though…they feel everything. They feel your burning heartache, your heavy dark ghosts that are weighing you down…they are your shadow, and they try to reach down and pull you up, but it seems you do not want to be rescued. You have found solace in that black corner of nothing but silence…coldness…numbness…feeling absolutely NOTHING.

You have faked and pretended your way through this thing called life, and now you are exhausted from everything that it has thrown at you….Lies. Deceit. Insecurity. No one stays and no one knows what the hell they want.

BUT you have your children, and they reach out to YOU, and they depend on YOU. THAT is your purpose.

I am not suicidal, by any means. I would NEVER do that to my children. NEVER. But I am tired of what this life has dragged me through, and I would really love a break, or some sort of sign that it will get better. That is all.

A sign would be lovely.

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